Excitement is not the word for it. Glory gets closer, but this feeling has more humiliation inside of it. Maybe the word really is Hallelujah.
For the last two years or so, I've been working on a collection of poems where I try to name my own masculinity by collaging my memories of the men in my family and my own experience. It's a chapbook of melancholy prayers and odes. These poems are coming out with Big Lucks Books next year. My name will be on a list with other Big Lucks authors like Hanif Willis-Abdurraqib and Natalie Eilbert. I am sunk to the bottom with joy.